Done. Finto. Finished.

Today I made some decisions:
1)Model,yes really.
2) Distribute less empathy to people who I would previously be totally sympathetic to. I realized that some people are incredibly naive and passive, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. The only thing you can do it hope that will change for themselves. So I've been keeping that in my mind, especially dealing with M and D. M is too damn passive and her passiveness upsets me. She just accepts any and all of the drama D gives as inevitable and I hate it. I am getting sick of hearing we complain about how this time is the last time she's taking his shit. Whatever. The last time was years ago... I am just over the drama. D and I are still D and I. We barely get along. Everything feels forced, like my guard is constantly up when he's around in every situation from weddings to funerals. I just don't trust him. I just...can't. After years of trying to establish trust and being taken advantage of I just gave up on it. I accept it for what it is but unlike M, I don't stand for that shit.As far as D is concerned my pockets are empty and I have no idea what he's talking about.
3) I am NOT getting married. I am almost positive and allow me to explain. The closet guy to my type is my best guy friend. Seriously, he wears,reads and eats everything my dream would wear, read and eat! How fucked up is that? That's major fucked. Why? Because we are not going to be a couple. He only sees me as a friend and I see him a friend. The chemistry is there and it's obvious but still. There's shit he does I wouldn't stand for in a relationship: buying shit. Um, hello. I have yet to see him buy shit for a girl on a date. Then again, I don't care unless I am that girl and he's paying for me to be real. But I barely see that happening and I know my weight has something to do with it. He likes fit girls and I, a formerly fit chick, I understand that. I don't like fat guys, so I cannot expect any exceptions; what you get is what you reflect. I'm working out for my own benefit because am sick of being fat myself. I'm NOT huge, I wear a medium and sometimes I small but I do need a large and even a extra large sometimes. And that much change for my own benefit. Regardless of my best guy friend. Besides, I should slim down and he should bulk up. The sort of girl he
s into is me from what she's wear, eat and do. So its all quite comical. Aside from the superfical, we're perfect for each other but it won't happen. Whatever. I am not even looking anymore. Fuck everyone.

Okay, well goodnight.