Shavuot; Dating; Separdim ; Materialism.

So today is Shavuot, which technically started yesterday night and means that I cannot use electronically,however, I am not that religious. Plus, my friend and I caught a bus home last night out of fear that we'd be robbed and raped. I feel good every time I celebrate a Jewish holiday because it is my culture and religion. I face a ton of opposition in my parents house for celebrating Jewish holidays, you see, My father is traceable Jew. He's family is a mixture of Polish and English actually my father dropped a bomb, he's English(formerly Anglo-Franco and Italiano) and Swedish Jews who either became Anglicans in England, Baptist in the South or remained Jews. Also, African(Egyptian)Jews who are mixed with Egyptian, Iraqi, Khaleeji and Ethiopian. My father grew up confused and spoiled. But when he took a turn for the worse as a twenty-something he turned his back on Judaism and now identifies with being Christian. I still refer to my father as Jewish because:
1) According to the law, one cannot convert out of Judaism for another monotheistic religion, however, if one becomes - let's say a Hindu like my maternal Grandmother did- that's a different story.
2) Christianity is not that different to me. To me it's the same-thing unless you're Catholic but Protestantism is a "watered down" variation of Judaism. So it's the same. Besides Jesus Christ never said to : create a new religion, invent new holidays and discard the old ones, to do away with Judaism and to forget the law. If anything Jesus Christ said; " I didn't come to end the law, I came to full-fill the law." Furthermore, Jesus was Jewish. Enough Said.

Nevertheless, my father has a love/hate relationship with religion. He was raised in a religious household, so it's only natural for him to rebel by having dislike for his faith. Also, he is incredibly controlling and Judaism is not a religion you can control. No offense to other religions but you can just stick something on it and call it Jewish the way you can almost everything else. It just doesn't work that way. I believe that is his problem after being raised to controlled he refuses to be controlled by anything. I respect him, because the Torah says I must, however, I do not agree.

Anyway, Shavuot is the "technical" passover when Moses received Torah Sinai. So most people stay up all night studying Torah. I am not one of those people lol! I will not be falling asleep in my Torah and embarrassing myself. So I'm going to bed. It's mainly an Ashkenazim tradition(meaning they follow it more) but I'm a proud Sephardi and we don't do that so much. I didn't go into this expecting to become Orthodox but that's what's happening. Well...I am more Post-Modern Conservadox(truthfully the closet I am to Orthodox is my observance of Niddah and Shabbat)and I like it that way. I couldn't be Reform because I need structure but I couldn't be totally Orthodox either becauseI need freedom. So I follow what I can/will. The only issue is dating. When you go to Orthodox things you will either meet Orthodox men, who are incredibly religious OR pretenders who just want to control you. And on the other end it's the other way. There are intense extremes on both ends. It's hard to get through the bullshit, trust me. But I've gotten better. After my latest faux relationship(I refuse to call the hell I went through with Pudding a relationship) I came to realize that I DON'T want to marry a straight up and down Ashkenazim. I just cannot. He must be at least half something else, proud of it, speak different languages and be classy and cultural. is was to marry Jewish, but now I find myself not carrying so much. My mother says Jewish or Christian,in that order,but I don't think I could marry a Christian being so involved in Judaism and so uninvolved in Christianity. But I couldn't marry a Jew who hated Christians either because I think it's ridiculous and I love Jesus, I mean he was a Jewish scholar for crying out loud! I honestly would love to marry someone who comes from a interracial/inter-religious household. I crave diversity! Hmm...we'll see. Thus far, I've one met four prospects who couldn't be more different: One is Persian but totally weird, I feel no spark. Another is Greek and wants to have sex with me badly but that-I fear is all, it's hard being a:"hot minority woman", Another is Latino and Israeli, I like him but we'll see. I don't like games and he seems to like playing them. Another is Indian but he prefers White girls and has bad teeth... damn. Maybe I should just get a cat?

I have a certain criteria for a husband that is rumored to be materialistic. And that makes it hard for me to be understanding of mens positions. I cannot and will not take care of a grown man, never. I must have a man who provides( spoiled...lives to make me hapy...etc) They are out there and that's what I want. I cannot be the wife who lives to make her husband spoiled if he doesn't do the same for me. Period. I love spoiling my man. I am incredibly giving and affectionate but I cannot be the only one. There is nothing like giving a man your everything only to get a hard-time and no appreciation in return. I've been through that shit enough and if all that's out there in the world is that; I will gladly spend my life alone spending my lawyer bucks on myself and my cats. Word? Peace <3


Besides, everyone who knows me knows that I likes that nice(Note:EXPENSIVE) shit. Everyone knows that. I am a Princess and blah-blah-blah. If you ain't a Prince and you cannot hang, don't step up! It's that easy. If you cannot play ball, why join the game? Sit your booty in the crowd like everyone else who cannot play. I am so tired of worthless piecesofshit deciding they are worthy of any woman they want simply because they have a pulse. Get-over-yourself and GET A DAMN JOB.

updatessssss NO I HAVEN'T CHANGED. But people are wondering what my validity is to this statement. I mean, how can I claim to be of such substance when I require men have more than just good personality. Let me explain: I demand personality, character and integrity. I crave these things as well, however, I crave them from a financially secure background. A man of real integrity would not accept a woman paying for things. He would not be so comfortable that he expects her to pay and still look at him as a men( leader, provider) alpha male) it is IMPOSSIBLE. Yes, there are some women who run the household - and how like doing it. But I am NOT that woman and I make no apologies for not being her either. It is expensive just being me, therefore it is naturally expensive dating me. I've always been the Veronica and never the Betty, I've always been the girl who knows quality. My body literally rejects trash food. I have been courting myself for years and I refuse to allow someone to tell me : " I don't need it, I just want it." No, I know myself and I know what I want and need. So I make no apologies for requiring more from a man. There are plenty of women who do not require as much and who would love to be with such fellas,but I am not one of those ladies. For me a man must be a gentleman in every sense of the word. Period.